By Roxie Key
Fears. We all have them, and they impact us in countless ways. Whether it’s a rational or irrational phobia, fear is real, and affects everything from our body’s physical reactions to our everyday decisions.
My biggest phobia? Fire. And what did I do with these distressing feelings and emotions? I wrote about them. The protagonist in my debut crime fiction novel The Deadly Spark shares my phobia, which inadvertently created a safe space for me to explore my deepest fears and draw from my experience in a creative way.
Phobias can come from all sorts of places and experiences, and mine started when I was incredibly young. Picture this: I’m four years old, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the assembly hall, surrounded by fidgety kids and the distinct aroma of plimsolls and floor polish. The teacher brings out one of those huge TV trolleys (hey, it was the nineties, what can I say?) and fires up an educational movie — pun most definitely intended. This film showed — and I distinctly remember this — a fire starting from a single cigarette in a living room. Not only that, but it showed how quickly the fire spread throughout the whole house.
Now, my little four-year-old mind started firing all sorts of things at me. That looks like your house! Your parents smoke! Your house is going to set on fire tonight! And that was me, well and truly done. I was a mess. The teacher had to drag me out of the room, screaming and crying, completely engulfed by a new worry about something that I didn’t even know could happen.
This traumatic experience triggered a lifetime of altered behaviours. I begged my parents to stop smoking, convinced they were going to set the house on fire. I experienced endless terrifying nightmares about my house going up in flames and my family burning to a crisp. I was desperate for my parents to check the smoke alarms every week, but at the same time, I dreaded the sound of the alarm, even on test mode. It was all-consuming.
As an adult, I became obsessed with fire safety, planning my escape route in case of a fire, constantly checking electricals were switched off at night, triple-checking candles were snuffed out. I mean, these are all pretty sensible measures but, in my case, they were driven from a place of terror, not practicality.
So, why am I even talking about this? What could this possibly have to do with writing? Without much intention at all, my phobia transformed into a huge source of inspiration. When I was in my first GCSE year, I was tasked with writing a short story, and my dark little mind flew straight to the subject of fire, conjuring up a short thriller called Burning Memories, for which I was awarded a grade A.
This was a pivotal moment for me; not simply because of the grade, but because my English teacher said something to me that would stick with me forever: “You should think about being a writer.” And just like that, I had set off on a new path, my inspiration ignited. I couldn’t know it back then, but two decades later I’d be the proud author of a published thriller… also on the subject of fire.
In The Deadly Spark, Detective Eve Starling’s phobia of fire is rooted in a very real experience, unlike my own which came from a place of
what if Eve’s family died in a fire when she was just a teenager, and seven years later she finds herself in a vulnerable position investigating an arson attack that took the life of a mother and child. This reminded her painfully of her little sister and forced her to be more resilient than ever before. In writing Eve, I was able to explore fire in a safe way, learning how it can start, how it behaves, how it spreads and how it can be stopped. I consulted my father-in-law, a retired firefighter, who acted as both a source of inspiration and an excellent fact-checker.
I guess you could say it was strangely cathartic for me, writing about this scary subject in so much depth. But crime writers, when you think about it, are always writing about subjects that flood us with terror. No one wants to be murdered. No one wants to be stalked. But for some reason, we love writing and reading about it.
I believe that, as a writer – particularly within darker genres like crime and horror – delving into your anxieties, worries and fears can provide a rich source of inspiration and ideas. And you may just find that confronting your fears through storytelling could lead to compelling narratives, personal growth and transformation… and maybe even help you conquer them.
So, if you’re struggling for inspiration, plotting your next chapter, or languishing in the early planning stages, why not give your biggest traumas some time in the spotlight? Sit down and really think about what it is that scares you. Is your biggest fear someone kidnapping your child? Imagine how real that horror and distress would feel on the page. Or how about drowning? You’ll likely find the anxiety you feel when you put your main character in the deep end will come through so strongly in your writing, that the authenticity will shine through, taking your writing to the next level.
Writers, don’t fear your fear — it’s yours. Own it. Use it as a tool. And please let me know how you get on!
Roxie
*****
Roxie Key, 36, is an author from Northampton, where she lives with her wife and daughter. She knew from a young age that one day she wanted to see her name on a book. She studied Creative & Media Writing at Middlesex University, and then became a creative copywriter. Inspired by her favourite crime writers, Roxie wrote her first novel in 2019 and secured representation with David Higham Associates and a book deal with HarperCollins within two years.
Connect with Roxie:
facebook.com/RoxieKeyAuthor
instagram.com/roxieadellekey
tiktok.com/RoxieKeyAuthor
bsky.app/profile/roxiekey.bsky.social
threads.net/@roxieadellekey
x.com/RoxieAdelleKey
*****
You can hear great new ideas, creative work and writing tips on Write On! Audio. Find us on all major podcast platforms, including Apple and Google Podcasts and Spotify. Type Pen to Print into your browser and look for our logo, or find us on Podcasters.Spotify.com.
*****
If you or someone you know has been affected by issues covered in our pages, please see the relevant link below for information, advice and support: https://pentoprint.org/about/advice-support/
