Welcome to my third Showcase following the theme of ‘Difference’.

Often, outside forces can make us feel ‘different’ even if we’re feeling perfectly OK in ourselves. I’m using this page to expand on this idea.

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Our first contribution, by Peter Roe, examines the complexity of emotions brought on by the act of merely completing a routine form and poses the question: Who am I really?

 

Am I Enough?

So I am filling out one of those forms The one with the tick boxes
asking questions about class / race / gender / disability / neurodivergence / and I wonder whether I really should / because / the impostor syndrome
is running riot

I was brought up in rented accommodation
my dad worked in the garage and my mother was a secretary but I went to work in a school / did I lose my credentials?
Am I working class?

I was born on limestone and that’s my roots
anchored in my head / and I know I live in the south / but when someone with a mouth said “Where are you from?” and I said “Buxton” / he says “that’s in the Midlands” / so geography wasn’t his strong point /
but it made me question
Am I Northern enough

I have so many letters
diagnosed after my name that I feel like a dictionary / but some days I feel fucking normal / whatever the hell that is supposed to mean
Am I neurodivergent enough?

I walk with a stick, use a folding buggy
I have an adapted car / on some days I can’t walk / others I feel like I could march to the top of a hill and write poetry / but I would pay for it / for the next few days
Am I disabled enough?

Am I ethnic enough?
On the outside I look Whitey pink / because of Irish / British / Viking / French / Chinese…
Am I white enough?

I have always been a heteronormative sappiosexual
attracted to female gender and intelligence / but I kissed a guy once / and I think Idris Elba is fantastic
Am I straight enough?

I cook, I sew and I darn
I love Disney movies and romcoms / I’m an empath / not afraid to show my feelings
/ I have lunch out with the girls / I’m in touch with my feminine side
Am I man enough?

These boxes that they want us to tick
are all the wrong shape / my box is defined / by this skin that I live in and I know who I am…

Who are you?
Are you enough?

© Peter Roe, 2024

Connect with Peter on Instagram: @mediachap and on X: @jawboneonline

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Our next piece, by Hongwei Bao, explores a meeting of two strangers and highlights the differences between reality and expectation.

[Disclaimer: We  wouldn’t recommend following the narrator’s example of going to a stranger’s home on a first date. Always stay alert and stay safe! Ed.]

An Ideal Date

I was attracted to Casper the moment I saw his profile on Grindr. He looked sharp in his blue blazer and pink shirt and smiled radiantly in front of a neatly presented bookcase. I zoomed in on his profile picture and noticed his well-aligned white teeth. I also saw that the books on the bookshelf mostly consisted of philosophy books by enlightenment thinkers such as Kant, Hegel and Heidegger. In his profile, Casper wrote that he liked reading, music, art and travelling. I’d always wanted to find someone who shared similar interests. Casper seemed an ideal date, and we could have a great conversation. I left him a message on site and left the app open. He replied in a couple of hours. I noticed that he was online too, so we started a conversation.

We shared a lot of interests in common: Casper held a degree in German literature and his dissertation was on Thomas Mann. He was a well-travelled polyglot, having lived in several cities: Berlin, Paris and London, and spoke a few languages. We had our shared interest in Bach, Beethoven and Milan Kundera. There was no reason why we should not meet and become good friends.

So we met, in his gleaming penthouse flat perched on the top floor of an old Victorian building overlooking the River Thames. From the arched windows one could see London’s skyline soaked in the evening mist. He took out a couple of beers from the fridge. The cool liquid flowed down my throat and calmed my nerves.

The ‘small talk’ was in fact nothing small or casual, but it gave both of us a good understanding of each other’s life story. As we opened the second beer, our conversation turned to the literary and artworks we loved, and then to our philosophy of art. Casper was extremely confident and very talkative. I felt increasingly at home in his presence.

Although not quite, perhaps. As I soon discovered, despite our shared interests we were actually very different people. He was a liberal very much influenced by enlightenment ideas, whereas I was more of a nihilist who didn’t believe in anything. We saw things in vastly different ways. Where he saw universal humanity, I saw oppression and exclusion. Where he saw a stable social structure, I saw fissures and gaps which could lead to social change. Where he saw power and control, I saw ordinary people’s action and power. It was difficult to say who was more of an optimist but we both fell victims to our own beliefs.

By the third beer, we were already talking about what is history and whether human beings have any capacity to act freely and change society. Casper was adamant, firmly believing in ideas of absolute truth, beauty and freedom. I was less eloquent, largely because my own postmodernist ideas focused more on deconstructing instead of constructing a more coherent vision of the world. I was also drinking slightly beyond my comfort zone. My tongue felt rusty. I struggled to think clearly and talk eloquently.

Learning that I came from China, Casper started to comment on Chinese politics and international relations. He condemned the Chinese government for their political censorship, and communism for ruining people’s lives. I didn’t have a high opinion about the Chinese government or its mainstream ideology, but I was equally sceptical of his over-confidence and even arrogance; his self-assured Eurocentrism. I made a few points but soon gave up. Not a political scientist myself, I was not well equipped to make a reasoned political argument. As an ordinary person who happened to be Chinese, I also didn’t feel obliged to make such an argument. I felt that Casper cared more about having his point heard and agreed with rather than listening to other people or giving others a chance to speak. I was reminded of the fact that I was here for a date instead of an intellectual debate. These heavy conversations were not exactly what I had anticipated for a first date.

And now my mood for the evening was completely ruined. In the orange glow of the lamplight, Casper still looked attractive, and his smile still bright, but the political and ideological gaps between us seemed so huge that it was almost impossible for us to cross over. There was no way for us to develop any intimacy, intellectually or physically.

I swallowed the beer in one go and put the empty glass on the coffee table. “It’s late. I’m afraid I have to go.”

“I thought you were here for sex.” Casper raised his eyebrow.

I looked him in the eye. “Sex is a social construct, an illusion; as are all of us.” I managed to put on a straight face as I said this, and clumsily shook his hand. “It was good to meet you. Have a nice evening!” I turned around and staggered out of his flat. I didn’t look back. I was afraid that I might laugh out loud.

As soon as I sat down on the bus, I blocked Casper on the dating app. I concluded that intellectualism was the worst enemy for physical intimacy. I also decided to make my profile look less pretentious and more down-to-earth, changing the caption from: Looking for well-educated men to: Looking for sex. No discussion of culture and politics. 

© Hongwei Bao, 2024

Connect with Hongwei on X: @PatrickBao1

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Finally, Afsana Elanko delves into the story behind the popular Christmas carol of the title. I’m tickled by the first paragraph, trying to imagine cramming all of the characters into our small semi. I don’t think the neighbours would be best pleased! Her last paragraph will, I’m sure, ring true for all of us.

In case you missed it, the Pen to Print and Write On! teams recorded a very special version of Twelve Days Of Write On! Christmas which you can enjoy on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KwmS94csgEs. Altogether now: “On the first day of Christmas…”

Twelve Days Of Christmas And The Difference Time Makes

Taking a look at the fairly ordinary Christmas carol, Twelve Days Of Christmas, just think about the difference it would make if all the gifts arrived together. You would need a huge house to accommodate them, never mind the mayhem it would cause!

The carol refers to the 12 days after Christmas, referred to as Twelvetide or Epiphany (meaning appearance or revelation), linking to the journey of Magi (three wise men/kings) going to see newly-born Jesus and finishing on the feast of Epiphany (also known as Three King’s day) on the 6^th January. In some Christian traditions, the 12 days of Christmas also remembers the different Saints or sacred celebrations; e.g. 26^th December is also known as Saint Stephen’s Day in recognition of his concern for the poor. Thus, Boxing Day has developed into the concept of giving alms to the poor in boxes.

First published in 1780 in a children’s book, some people believe the carol hid a secret code about Christianity; one version being that the partridge represents Jesus Christ and the true love is God’s true love. Old and New Testaments are represented by the turtle doves. The three gifts of hope, love and faith are represented by French hens and the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) are represented by calling birds. The book of Moses (first five books of the bible Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) are represented by the gold rings and the six days of creation are represented by the geese. Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, fear of God, piety, fortitude, understanding, counsel and knowledge) are represented by the seven swans. Eight solemn blessings or beatitudes (blessed are those who are poor in spirit, mourn, meek, hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers, persecuted for righteousness) are the eight maids milking. The nine fruits of the Holy Spirit, the virtues of peace, love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and joy, are the ladies dancing. The ten Commandments are the Lords leaping. The 11 apostles are represented by the pipers and the apostles’ creed is represented by the 12 drummers drumming.

The popular version we sing today is due to English composer Frederic Austen’s melody from 1909.

The difference time can make to a carol leads us to reflect on the fact that, no matter if we follow a faith or not, and whatever the reason for the creation of Twelve Days Of Christmas, it has become a tune that is very familiar to us all at this time of year.

As we come up to Christmas remember that, no matter the differences, we should enjoy the journey together and have respect and understanding for each other; making sure that, when we reach the destination, we are united in our core value of kindness.

© Dr Afsana Elanko, 2024

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s Showcase. I’ve certainly enjoyed putting it together for you. Until next time…

Connect with me on Instagram: @clareatclarelou (where I like to share the many photographs I enjoy taking). My blog: claredotcooper@wordpress.com (where I share my thoughts on all manner of subjects).

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If you’d like to see your writing appear in the Write On! Showcase, please submit your short stories, poetry or novel extracts to: pentoprint.org/get-involved/submit-to-write-on/

Hear extracts from Showcase in our podcast. Write On! Audio. Find us on all major podcast platforms, including Apple and Google Podcasts and Spotify. Type Pen to Print into your browser and look for our logo or find us on Spotify for Pocasters.

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