by Eva Lauder

I’ve had Multiple Sclerosis for 27 years, 25 officially. My diagnosis was on my birthday in 1999. Smart phones didn’t exist, and the internet was purely restricted to internet cafes and so trying to read up about this condition I’d only known through posters on the London Underground was like seeing through molasses smeared on your glasses. I was devastated. I thought my life was over, that nobody would want me, let alone have kids with someone who has a degenerative disease and potentially face a life of pushing me in a wheelchair and caring for me.

Fast forward to 2024 and I have three kids: an adult, a young adult and a teenager, plus a granddaughter… and a wheelchair named Waldo, who comes out when my legs don’t work (more often than not, lately).

If I had a pound for every time I heard that I’m strong and have a great attitude to life, I’d be a millionaire. I do have a sense of humour, I am a strong character and, more than anything, I have a ‘laissez-faire’ attitude which has helped me overcome the difficulties and dark times but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I didn’t need to keep being strong. That’s where writing comes in.

Aside from the characteristics that have kept me relatively sane (although that’s debatable in some people’s opinion), is my love for reading and writing. I have written since I was eight years old, purely as a form of escapism. As a child, and until I was 13, I was bullied at school for being quiet and, believe it or not, shy. Reading and writing were my coping mechanisms; allowing me to escape the taunts and abuse of my bullies. I wrote magical stories, stories that took me to worlds where I couldn’t be hurt, or feel like a freak. I’d already learned how to overcome things at a tender age, and that was down to reading wonderful books and putting the fantasies I had in my head down on paper.

In my opinion, and I’m sure many can relate, escapism is needed to get through life, whether it’s to switch off from a long day, stress, or just life as we know it. That’s when the power of the written word comes in. A form of therapy, you come to rely on it. Reading is a joy and, in a way, a distraction from life and the mundane everyday. I find myself preferring the company of the characters I’m reading about, rather than having to be an adult and do ‘peopling’.

So, what got me through the tumultuous years post-diagnosis? The relapses that gave me the depressing timeline of how my condition was changing my abilities to do things, and the thorn in everyone’s side that is life’s rollercoaster ride? Simple. Writing. I wasn’t writing to publish, I was writing yet again to overcome my sadness, my frustration and, to a certain extent, to vent about the hand I’d been dealt with. Once again, I was overcoming the issues that hung around my neck like an albatross on a fine chain, but I found solace in this. It was like a personal journal, and nobody had access to my thoughts. After all, only the writer knows the meaning of what they compose. Nobody can read between the lines, even if they have sussed out a few details. It’s mystique and we love it. Only we know what’s fact and what isn’t!

I became a published author after an accident which led to a traumatic time. I’d been misdiagnosed and, after a week, I was blue-lighted to A&E, where an emergency total hip replacement had to be carried out. I was ill. Very ill, and very nearly lost my life twice during the time I was in hospital. Watching elderly ladies recover from their operations and heading home five days later was becoming depressing. I hated MS and was in a very dark place. I was in a rabbit hole I couldn’t climb out of. No matter how hard I tried, physio wasn’t working. I couldn’t stand without being strapped to a pole (I missed my calling there!) and trying to put one foot in front of the other was impossible. I would break down in tears and those outbursts would have the nursing team emotional as well. They felt my frustration and went above and beyond to get me moving, even if it was with a frame. Small steps over time were all it took. It was progress and, with a will of iron, I managed to hobble two steps further every day. I was overcoming what I thought was the impossible.

One night, after having finished watching The Last Kingdom, I had an epiphany: why not write a book? Write about MS, warts and all, and humanise it. Make it so people can truly feel what it’s like to experience the variety of symptoms and emotions that go with it, from pre-diagnosis to diagnosis and, of course, life after diagnosis. I wanted to raise awareness in real terms and not generic symptom checklists on the internet. Who better to write it than a veteran to MS who happens to write as well? That’s when Being Ines was borne. The manuscript took me through rehabilitation and, when I was strong enough, I began to write the second, third, fourth (and more) drafts, until Ines’ story of friendship, love, diagnosis and starting a new life was ready for publication.

The journey was cathartic. I addressed issues and feelings I’d ignored for the last 25 years because I was afraid of what it would do to me mentally. Quite honestly, it was an eye opener. I was made to face the sadness and the timeline of change in my life, but I did it anyway. I overcame my fears and, from that moment on, I became a writer in my own right and now I have a reason to keep going. Overcoming is the word of my life!

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Connect with Eva on TikTok: tiktok.com/@evalauderauthor, Instagram: instagram.com/evalauderauthor, Facebook: facebook.com/evalauderwriter and via her website: evalauder.com

Being Ines is available on Amazon.

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You can hear great new ideas, creative work and writing tips on Write On! Audio. Find us on all major podcast platforms, including Apple and Google Podcasts and Spotify. Type Pen to Print into your browser and look for our logo, or find us on Podcasters.Spotify.com.

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If you or someone you know has been affected by issues covered in our pages, please see the relevant link below for ​information, advice and support​: https://pentoprint.org/about/advice-support/