Introduced By Amber Hall

Our theme continues to be ‘Misunderstandings’ this month and, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’ve been thinking about how misunderstandings show up in our relationships.

Whether romantic or platonic, misunderstandings are part and parcel of relationships. Good communication helps, of course, but crossed wires are something we’ve all had to deal with at some point, even among our closest connections. We might not always feel able to communicate authentically, perhaps out of fear or concern for the other person. It can be difficult for us to verbalise what we feel, and it takes practise to feel comfortable doing this. Indeed, many of us haven’t been taught how to speak openly about our feelings; the notion of emotional literacy is a fairly modern thing.

It’s important that we allow ourselves (and one another) to have difficult conversations if we’re going to reach a point of understanding. This requires each of us to check our own beliefs and biases; getting to know the obstacles we have that can stop us from being open to other perspectives. I think misunderstandings can be routes to understanding, so long as we’re able to listen and hold space for different viewpoints. The pieces I’ve chosen for my page this month encourage self-reflection and position misunderstandings as opportunities for growth.

First, a piece by Ivy Scarlett, who writes eloquently about what it means to truly listen.

The Art Of Listening: From Misunderstanding To Connection

Would you describe yourself as a good listener? Before you answer, pause for a moment. Do you listen to respond, or do you listen to understand? Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about tuning into emotions and unspoken truths. So, what makes someone a good listener? Is it mastering the art of paying attention, or being empathetic – or perhaps a combination of both?

I’ve been working for over a decade in various industries and roles that have taken me up, down, and across the country. A few months after graduating from university, I secured my first job at a young peoples’ fashion charity, working as their Communications And Press Manager. A year later, I moved into sales for a subscription-based company.

Three chapters on, I ventured into corporate partnerships. Albeit short-lived, I realised, while taking time out to recharge, that all three positions shared a common thread: the need to understand diverse perspectives and find common ground. Talking, and being surrounded by people who love to talk, was encouraged in all three roles. At the time, I believed this made me a good communicator. I mean, at this point I could confidently talk to anyone – surely that meant I excelled at communication, right?

In 2019, my perspective shifted drastically. I found myself in a packed office with bright ceiling lights and white collars at every corner. In front of me was a queue of people waiting to complain about their latest IT issues. One after another, I heard: “Ivy, my laptop’s buggered.” “Is there something wrong with the Wi-Fi?” “Why is the tech in this place so rubbish?” Like a free-for-all, the comments kept flowing. Finally, left alone for a moment, I released a deep sigh, resting my head in my hands. As I slowly raised my head and unclenched my jaw, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey Ivy, you OK?” my colleague Jon asked. Instantly, my fight-or-flight response kicked in, and I began apologetically explaining why I hadn’t got back to him about his tech issue. Before I could finish, Jon interrupted me calmly: “Don’t worry about it. I can see you’re busy today. Just drop me a Teams message when you’re free.” For once, I was lost for words. Without me saying a word, Jon had heard me.

That brief exchange, along with similar encounters since, taught me that communication isn’t about how much we say or how eloquently we speak: it’s about actively listening, empathising and being present. Misunderstandings often arise from assumptions, thinking we know what someone needs or feels without truly paying attention. But misunderstandings can also open a doorway to understanding when we choose to pause, listen and respond with care.

As a Mental Health First Aider, I carry these lessons forward, shaping how I connect with others. Whether it’s a colleague, friend, or stranger, I’ve learned that understanding always starts with listening.

© Ivy Scarlett, 2025

You can connect with Ivy on Instagram: @writewithivy or via her blog: www.writewithivy.com/

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In this next prose piece, Lois Hurford reflects on how misunderstandings can teach us about ourselves and one another.

Misunderstandings As A Path To Understanding

We all know communicating is hard. Even at the best of times, people stumble over words, misinterpret body language, or hold back from fully expressing themselves. This hesitation often stems from anxiety: fear of judgment, rejection, or simply being misunderstood. Ironically, that same fear can create the very misunderstandings we want to avoid. Yet, these moments of disconnect, frustrating as they are, often teach us how to communicate better and form a deeper understanding.

Imagine you’re upset about something your friend said. Maybe it was a throwaway comment, but it struck a nerve and is replaying in your mind. You convince yourself it’s not worth mentioning; why bother with an argument over something so small? But the next time you see them, you can’t help acting a little distant. Your friend, noticing the shift, asks if something’s wrong. You brush it off with, “I’m fine,” but your tone says otherwise. Now your friend feels uneasy, wondering what they’ve done wrong, and tension starts to build between you both.

Here’s where the misunderstanding turns into an opportunity. After a couple of days, your friend approaches you again, this time with patience and genuine curiosity. They might say something like, “I’ve been feeling there’s something off between us. Did I upset you?” Their willingness to address the issue creates a safe space for honesty. Finally, you explain what’s been bothering you. Your friend listens, surprised, and explains they didn’t mean their comment the way it came across. Suddenly, the tension dissolves. You feel heard, they feel understood, and the two of you come away with a better understanding of each other.

These moments are lessons. Through discomfort, we learn about how people communicate differently; it makes us realise we need to speak up sooner, rather than letting feelings fester. Misunderstandings force us to be vulnerable, and to clarify what we need and expect from each other. Reflecting on these processes helps to strengthen relationships, whether they are work-related or personal. When we slow down, listen and ask questions, we uncover not just differences, but also shared values and goals. In these moments, misunderstandings become a starting point for growth, rather than dead ends.

While being misunderstood can feel unsettling, it’s worth remembering the potential these moments hold. They push us to communicate more thoughtfully, to express ourselves more clearly, and to listen more deeply. Misunderstandings aren’t failures; they’re opportunities to learn, grow, and connect – one conversation at a time.

© Lois Hurford, 2025

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California-based Cee Cee (Celestine) explores misunderstandings across cultures in this next piece, reflecting on how an awareness of linguistic differences can enhance our work as writers.

Shedding Light On US English And UK English

As a writer of fiction, knowing when to introduce misunderstandings between characters can be a crucial device in creating exciting plot lines in my stories. And as the world becomes more international, everyday misunderstandings are bound to happen.

English is a global language that is spoken by 1.5 to 2.0 billion people, with 160-plus dialects across the world. As a result of the day-to-day influence of communication across business and social platforms, US and UK English is the global standard.

Increased exposure to American English and vernacular from the US entertainment industry, social media platforms and the internet has made US English the most popular English form. Young people in our current world are greatly influenced by American-based pop culture, businesses and social platforms. One resource I came across aptly used the word homogenized to describe the phenomena.

Included in this phenomenon is the increased usage and acceptance of slang. The shortest definition for the word slang is: Words that have developed over time to reflect ever-changing culture and traditions. As a result of casual, everyday communication, its significance has increased our worldwide connectivity.

The following are several American slang words and phrases that might be of interest to writers everywhere:

• ‘Hang out’ (casually spend time with someone).
• ‘Hangry’ (irritability due to hunger).
• ‘Merch’ (merchandise).
• ‘Tea’ (gossip).
• ‘No cap’ (tell the truth).
• ‘Receipts’ (proof).
• ‘G.O.A T. S.’ (refers to the Greatest Of Old Time, made popular by LL Cool J’s 2000 album).

Some more recent US slang words are: ‘Stan’ (over-zealous fan), ‘YOLO’ (you only live once), and ‘FOMO’ (fear of missing out).

Likewise, the following are some commonly used British slang words:

• ‘Cheeky’ (slightly disrespectful and playful).
• ‘Knackered’ (very tired).
• ‘Crisps’ (potato chips).
• ‘Cuppa’ (cup of tea).
• ‘Gobsmacked’ (utterly shocked).

My favourite British slang words and sayings are: ‘Her Majesty’s pleasure’ (in prison), ‘knees up’ (a lively party), ‘know your onions’ (to be skilled), ‘mizzle’ (light rain), and ‘skint’ (broke).

Languages and the meanings of words continues to evolve. Keeping up with those changes is fundamental, especially for writers and other creatives. The written, symbolic and audio recordings of languages and how cultures use them are essential, now and for the future of all human beings. I hope this article makes the reader more curious about the vast amounts of information available on this subject matter. If so, I encourage everyone to do a deeper dive into this topic. Challenge your own knowledge and see what you already know or may yet discover. Let’s all ‘crack on’!

© Cee Cee (Celestine), 2025

Connect with Cee Cee on Bluesky: CleverContent@bsky.social

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Finally, I’d like to end with this: The Personal Bill Of Rights – kindly shared by our Editor, Madeleine F. White. The idea is that we all have certain rights in our relationships with others, and that we should be free to exercise those rights. These rights serve as a reminder that healthy boundaries are crucial for us to peacefully co-exist.

The Personal Bill Of Rights

I have the right to ask for what I want.
I have the right to say no to requests or demands I cannot meet.
I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
I have the right to say “no” to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
I have the right to determine my own priorities.
I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behaviour, actions, feelings or problems.
I have the right to expect honesty from others.
I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
I have the right to be uniquely myself.
I have the right to feel scared and say, “I’m scared”.
I have the right to say, “I don’t know”.
I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behaviour.
I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
I have the right to change and grow.
I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
I have the right to be happy.

Source: The Anxiety And Phobia Workbook, by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D

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Issue 23 is available to read online here, you can also find it in libraries and other outlets. Read previous editions of our magazines here. 

You can hear great new ideas, creative work and writing tips on Write On! Audio. Find us on all major podcast platforms, including Apple and Google Podcasts and Spotify. Type Pen to Print into your browser and look for our logo, or find us on Podcasters.Spotify.com.

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